They say you learn something new every day. Well today, we must have used up our entire quota for the week, because we learned lots of things – lots and lots of things.
For instance, we learned that trypophobia is the fear of densely-arranged little holes, particularly those found in randomly occurring patterns – for instance, honeycomb; or woodworm holes; or the example extensively quoted in the media today: those tiny little holes you see in crepes and pancakes.
We also learned from various media sources that someone called Kendall Jenner claims to be a trypophobic. We didn’t know who Kendall Jenner is, so we looked her up online and learned that she famous because she is the sister of a woman who is famous. So we learned that as well.
We didn’t know who the famous sister was either, so we looked her up online as well. It turns out Kendall’s sister is famous for having a big bottom. She is also famous for being married to a man who is famous.
Not knowing the husband either, we looked him up online, and it seems that he is famous for being married to a woman with a big bottom (Kendall’s sister, in other words).
So we are really pleased to have learned all those things today. The day has been very worthwhile indeed.
However, putting large bottoms to one side for a moment, the most interesting thing we learned is that in our capacity as wedding caterers, specialising in freshly-made crepes, we have to now consider the needs of trytophobics. It is possible that a sufferer may be present at any wedding we attend, so with that in mind, we may have to display a warning sign on our crepe van : “Caution: small holes.”
This is likely to cause confusion among guests and will inevitably lead to many discussions about the subject of small hole phobias. Which will inevitably lead to a mention of Kendall Jenner; and her famous sister; and her famous sister’s famous bottom; and the guy who is famous for being married to her. And we are absolutely certain that this not what Kendall Jenner would have wanted when she announced her phobia to the World. Not her intention at all.
Of secondary importance is the fact that it would seem that we are now excluded from the list of companies Kendall Jenner could potentially hire for her wedding (she may already be married; we didn’t read too much about her) or other private functions she may host such as a party. Unfortunately for Kendall Jenner, she will never experience the joys of watching an expert crepe chef create a Baileys and Buttons crepe – just for her, to order – at one of her lavish birthday parties.
Her large-bottomed sister and her famous husband may instead be able to hire Original Crêpes for a private function, but we don’t know for sure. Strangely, Kendall Jenner didn’t feel the need to announce to the world whether her large-bottomed sister was also tryptophobic, nor whether her sister’s famous husband was afraid of densely-packed randomly arranged small holes either.
Perhaps that is the fascinating fact we will learn tomorrow.